


John Carpenter's 'The Thing' but it's a crack retelling

by filthiestofweebsdesu



Category: The Thing (1982)
Genre: Crack, Gen, will add more tags as i add more chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 11:16:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22495207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/filthiestofweebsdesu/pseuds/filthiestofweebsdesu
Summary: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Kudos: 9





	1. Prologue: A Brief Introspection

**Author's Note:**

> I have writer's block and I rewatched The Thing recently so here is a stupid thing lmao.
> 
> "Here's the Thing" - Adrian Monk

Norwegian camp  
Is gon but one;  
I do a run  
From flyin gun.

The ppl scare,  
They big afred  
Cause when I mlem,  
They do a ded.

_\- The Thinks of Thing Doggo_


	2. Chapter 1: The Story Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doggo Preten

He runnin across big snow as helicopter guy try to shoot him down like a dog. (Secretly he is not actually a dog but an Alien™, but helicopter guy knows that, that's why helicopter guy is trying to shoot him down like a dog.) Doggo is a big tire but he still does a big run because guy in helipocter has a big gun.

Bullet can't hurt Thing Doggo, but it can slow him down enough for helicopter guy to get a chance to blow him up, so he doesn't take any chances, he just keeps runnin' even though he is super tired. You know he's tired because he's panting and he is a doggo.

He keeps on runnin and runnin until he sees other big camp with big places to hide, and big scary bass music goes away. But perhaps best hiding place is with people runnin out the camp. They must have run out when they heard big gun and big flyer.

So doggo run over to peepil and act like innocent little husky pupper, givin Bennings a hug and givin him liks.

They protecc and copter man attac, yellin in Norweegeein. Doggo translayt:

"Get le hecc away! That no doggo, that a thing! It not real, it copy doggo! GET AWEY DUM DUMS!!"

But apparently other men can't understand him because then guy from Window (not Windows tho) shoots helicopter guy in the hed so now he ded, but not befor copter man shoot Bennings's leggo by acciden.


End file.
